Monday, July 21, 2014

The Dark Side Returns...

            Someone remind me why we thought it would be a good idea to be apart from each other again? In case you're new, my husband and I decided to move back to Indiana a few months ago. However, since he's the only one working and we're not exactly in a great financial position at the moment, we decided that the smartest thing for us financially would be for me to move back with our daughter first so I can start looking for a job. I haven't had a "real job" in over a year now, so for us this whole scenario just makes sense.
            So, I have been living with my parents for the last 3 weeks while my husband, John, is still in Arkansas waiting to A) sell the house B) get a decent job up here or C) a certain, but yet undertermined, amount of time that we finally just get fed up with being apart. Things (for me at least) weren't so bad for the first two weeks. It was nice catching up with a lot of my aunts and visiting with a few friends. Then things started going downhill, which I expected, but was hoping it wouldn't happen this quickly.
            My mom and I get along for the most long as we're not living together. May I just say that grown adults, especially those with children, are NOT meant to live with their parents again. Ever. But that's just my opinion from my own personal experience. It's not so much that my mom has started driving me crazy as she pisses me off. It's the same crap she used to do back in the day too. She doesn't listen to me half the time when I'm talking to her and the other half she interrupts me mid-sentence about something that is totally and completely unrelated to what I'm talking about. Drives.Me.Crazy. Wouldn't that drive you crazy?
            This week I have just been making an effort to not even say much around her because what's the point? I can also do without the occasional snide comments about stupid stuff too. Regardless, this week hasn't been much better. Now that the "Oh yay, family and friends" newness has worn off, I really miss my husband. He is truly the only person (that I've met anyways) in the world that really "gets me". Add on the stress of both of us waiting for phone calls to see if we got jobs Monday and to hear ANY good news back from the people who have seen the house lately and it has just been a crap week. I felt like the beginnings of depression were settling in all over again and I really don't want and can't afford for that to happen now that I have Myka.
            I don't think I've ever mentioned it on here because there's such a stigma around depression still and, well, I don't really like talking about it much to begin with, but I went through a bout of it in high school and a few times since then as well when I was still in my younger 20's. I've been doing good for several years and I just really don't want to feel like that again. It's just about one of the worse feelings in the world and if you haven't gone through it yourself, you really can't understand what it's like. Sorry, but it's the truth.
            So, Monday and Tuesday were filled with a lot of unwanted advice, preaching, lectures, whatever you want to call it. While I know it was all well-meaning, it's the last thing I wanted to hear. Wednesday and Thursday weren't too bad, so hopefully things will get better before they get really bad. I got out and went for a walk at the park both days and getting outside like that always seems to help me feel better, no matter what. I also went to my aunt Mary's house Thursday evening and I showed her how to make butter, so that was fun. :D Unfortunately for her, she is now the person I go to to vent since my grandma isn't here any more, but I don't think she minds. I hope she doesn't anyways. ;)
            As usual, this personal post has turned into a rambling mess and there are still things I could write about, if you can imagine that! Maybe next time. ;) Have any of you ever dealt with depression? What helped you get through it?

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