Pregnancy Journal #10: Why, Breech Baby, Why?!

             Hey folks! It's that time again! ;) It's hard to believe that I will be done with pregnancy journals in a mere 6 weeks, give or take. So, now that it's getting down to the wire, what am I worrying about this week?

             My biggest, all consuming concern this week is still baby being breech. Ugh. I can tell the little turd hasn't flipped because there was one day where he/she didn't move around much, but when they did, they kept kicking me in the cooter. -_-

             I'm sure it has something to do with my sometimes erratic moods, which I'll get to more in a bit, but I've started going back and forth between feeling totally helpless and absolutely convinced that this kid will not turn before it's too late and trying to be optimistic and doing more exercises to try and get baby to turn on his/her own. The doctor says if baby hasn't turned by 37 weeks, they can try an ECV (external cephalic version), which doesn't sound all that pleasant, but it's better than nothing, I guess, IF it works. If you're not familiar with the term/procedure, basically the doctor tries manipulating the baby from the outside by pushing around on your stomach. I hear it's uncomfortable, to say the least. If that doesn't work, I'll be scheduling a c-section, which is why I can't help but obsess over baby's position.

             I'd like to think I've mostly come to terms with the very real possibility of having another c-section, but I'm not sure if that's true deep down. I had one with my first because she got stuck/didn't descend right/or something along those lines after pushing for 3 hours to no avail. But, I have always been a strong advocate for medically necessary c-sections only. And honestly, there really aren't as many medically necessary reasons for a c-section as many doctors would like you to believe. Unless you or baby are in distress, you have high blood pressure, gestational diabetes complications, you're bleeding out, or have a breech baby (even that is debatable by some), there isn't really a need to have a c-section, as far as I'm concerned. Having a predicted “big baby” is NOT a reason to get one and the lamest excuse in the book for a doctor to perform a c-section. But, I'm getting off topic again...

             The fact that I might have to have a c-section just because my kid is deciding to be stubborn early makes me both mad and irritated (and a little sad). I know it's out of my control, and perhaps that is what is so infuriating and frustrating. I will admit that I have some control issues in general. ;) (That's probably why I like playing the Sims and Minecraft so much!)

             For me, and I'm not trying to belittle those who have also had c-sections for whatever reason, having a c-section is just not the same as giving birth vaginally. Having my VBAC was the best experience of my life, as corny and cliché as that sounds. It's just something I've always wanted to do. I know I should be happy I got to experience that at least once, but I just can't get past some things.

             As you probably know, we have been team green this time. Thinking about having to have a c-section makes me question whether I want to wait to find out now or not. Like I said, it's just not as...exciting. I'm not sure that's the right word I'm looking for, but that's the best I have right now. On one hand, it would be silly waiting this long to find out the gender and then going ahead and finding out right before the birth anyways. Plus, it would still be nice to wait for my husband's sake, if that makes sense. You know, so he can find out first hand still? I don't know. I feel kind of stupid for even thinking about changing my mind this late in the game. We've waited this long. Must as well wait, even if it's not the birth I had in mind, right?

             Other than all of that crap, I really need to stop being pregnant during the winter. (Not that that will be an issue ever again after this one! Ha!) It's been really rough with my seasonal affective disorder sometimes since I “can't” take the herbal supplement I usually use when I'm not pregnant. I have a feeling it hasn't helped with my wishy-washy feelings on things, as I mentioned earlier. It's so much easier to fall into the apathy trap, which is no fun. It's been better lately, so I hope it stays that way...Though I'm not holding my breath once my weekly doctor's appointments start. :/

Ultrasound next week! Cross your fingers Baby Ninja turns head down by then. :)