Saying Goodbye to Breastfeeding

 

            I would say “I am regretfully writing that mine and Ripley's breastfeeding journey has come to an end already”, but it would be a lie. Not a lie that it's over, but that I regret it. Honestly, it has actually been a huge relief. Do I wish I hadn't breastfed? Absolutely not? Do I wish it would have lasted longer? Yes. So, what gives?

             In a nutshell, I was running out. My supply has been decreasing for several months, but I kept on trucking since I wanted nursing to work out so badly this time around. We struggled so much at the beginning with the whole lip and tongue tie thing that I especially didn't want to give up so soon. I am at peace in knowing that I did the best I could. We did lactation consultant visits, even got the lip and tongue tie taken care of (which I still kind of regret doing, but that's a whole other story), pumped like crazy for awhile to get/keep things going, drank and ate lactogenic things to boost supply, etc. So yah, I think we did just about everything we could.

             Although I enjoyed the bonding, the majority of our short nursing era was just, well, stressful. Before getting her tongue and lip tie taken care of because she took SOOO LONG to nurse and she would still be hungry less than 2 hours later a lot of times. (I know this is normal at first, but she was getting to the age to where it wasn't quite so normal.) As I've mentioned in a previous breastfeeding related post (if I remember right), I even started giving her formula just so I could get a break from the sore tatas and crying every time she wanted to eat. Who knows. Maybe that was my biggest mistake, but I don't think so.

             Longer story short, it was to where she was only getting like an ounce, MAYBE two, from me. For me, it was even more of a pita to have to try to nurse AND give her a bottle, especially if we were out and about. It seemed silly to have to take a bottle if I was still breastfeeding. She was also not even latching on to one side at the end. So, I finally decided enough was enough.

             What's the point of me telling you all this? As with every parenting decision nowadays, it seems, there is a lot of shaming whether you choose to bottle feed or breastfeed or even stop breastfeeding for whatever reason. Let's just be open and honest. If you're happy and confident in whatever way you choose to feed your child, then that's good enough. It doesn't need to be “good enough” for someone else. Let's stop the parent shaming. We're all guilty of it from time to time, I'll grant you that, but in this case, as long as your child is healthy and growing then that's all that really matters. :)

             How about you? Did you breast or bottle feed your children? Did friends or family give you any grief for your decision?

Potty Training Regression

             Ah, potty training. A magical time in any parent and child's life...Ok. Who am I kidding, right? Potty training (for most of us) just plain sucks. That's why it's one of the most joyous of triumphs when raising children. At last! Your child is finally potty trained! No more diapers! No more (well at least as much) wiping butts several times a day! Even better? Being night-time trained! No more washing sheets, blankets, clothes, etc. every morning! You're home from and it's easy sailing from here...right?

             But then * gasp * something happens: A big move, a new sibling is added to the family, or some other dramatic, life changing event occurs and all is not well in Potty Trained Land any more. Maybe there's no obvious reason why your Big Boy or Big Girl is suddenly having accidents again or peeing the bed at night. Alas, potty training regression is a very real thing, though, for whatever reason, and it's likely nothing that you could have prevented, as frustrating as it may be.

             Myka, our 3 year old, did pretty good with the whole potty training business. She started going regularly when she was about 2 ½ and it wasn't long before we could take her places without a diaper too. Yay! (I still highly recommend the “let them run around naked” method of potty training, btw.) It did take her quite awhile to finally stop “needing” a diaper to poop in but hey, most kids have a bit of trouble with #2, right?

             She even surprised us by not needing a diaper at night before she was even 3. From what I've heard from others, night-time potty training seems to be the most difficult part of potty training. Needless to say, I was thrilled to not have to buy disposables for night-time any more!

             ...Then her baby sister came along earlier this year in January. Myka did ok for a month or two...Then she started peeing her panties during the day. Not to the point of being soaked, but like she just got caught up doing something and forgot. But then she started peeing the bed at night again, so we had to revert to wearing diapers again. The day time accidents got worse too. There were days where we had to change her underwear probably 5 or 6 times. Super annoying.

             This has been going on for 2 or 3 months now, but it is getting better. So far the only advice I can offer is to spend more time with your child. Even if you think you are spending an ample amount of time with them, try to spend more. Quality time, of course, where you're totally paying attention or interacting with him/her. This has helped us out thus far.

             No one is perfect and I will be the first to admit that I am not Mom of the Year. I have been making a much better effort at spending quality time with Myka instead of just going through the motions of the day, which we can all get caught up in doing, amiright? For us, that usually means doing “school stuff”. This also usually helps her behave better, for whatever reason, so it's a win/win. Plus I have fun too. ;)

             So tell me: Have you dealt with potty training regression issues with any of your children? What did you find helped get them back to dry underwear and clean sheets?

Finding My People

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             Have you ever heard people talk about “finding their people”? I always thought this was some cheesy, mushy load of crap...until recently. I think I finally get it now...

             As adults and, in my opinion, especially as parents, it can be really hard finding and making new friends. Add in living in a new place where you don't know anyone and it can seem like a downright impossible feat. Even as an introvert, I have found myself reaching out more and more for people to connect with after I started having kids. After all, we all need a little adult conversation every now and then, right?

             Sure, I still have my friends from school that I still talk to and hang out with occasionally. But, most of them live over two hours away, so needless to say, the hanging out part doesn't happen nearly as much as I would like. Though I haven't been going to our playdate group meetups much, I enjoy talking to most of those ladies too, but I still feel like I have my guard up somewhat for whatever reason. Like I haven't gotten them quite pegged, so I'm not completely at ease with them, I guess you could say. There's also the other moms who take their kids to storytime/music and movement on Thursdays, but I've only talked to a few of them a handful of times, if that, and we've been going for 2-3 months now. Most of them are definitely not my type of people. I won't go into specifics on that.

             One of the ladies from our playdate group also happens to be in the local babywearing group and told me about it before I even had Ripley. (She was 5 months old on the 15^th! How is that possible?! Back to topic, though...) As with most things new to me, I had been wanting to go to one of their playdates for awhile, but kept putting it off. In hindsight, I wish I would have just gone sooner!

             I have only been to two playdates so far and really haven't met that many people in the group, but I feel like I finally found a place where I don't have to put on facades and can just be myself. I don't know what it is about them, but I just feel comfortable, which, again as an introvert, is extremely rare for me right off the bat. And as cheesy as it sounds, it's a good feeling. We all need people we can open up to and feel relaxed around, right?

             I definitely plan on making an effort to go more and can't wait to go to my first monthly meeting. To me it's just an extra bonus that these people can help me out with my baby carrier questions. Lol (I just got my first soft structured carrier, so I am in desperate need of some help!) I'm looking forward to the montly meeting to meet more people AND hopefully be able to try on some different carriers to get a better idea of what I like. I was so set on the idea that a SSC would make my life infinitely easier than the mei tai, but it is not love so far. But that's a story for a different post, perhaps.

             Moral of my story: Get out there, do things, meet new people, even if you're shy at first like me. Eventually you're bound to find ones you just relate to, right? Depending on your location and views/values you may have to search longer than others, but I think it's totally worth the effort. :)

             Where have you found people you can relate to as a parent? Are you part of a local group or online forum?

Fighting Your Inner Introvert for Your Kids' Sake - Part 2

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            Hey folks! Thanks for joining me again today. If you missed Part 1, you can catch it here. Today I am going to be sharing my own struggles with parenting as an introvert and suggesting ideas on what we can do to get out of our occasional “funks”.

             I thought this would be as good a time as any to write about this subject because I've been having a particularly difficult week. I'm one of those weird INFJ's* who is introverted, but still kind of extroverted and wants to get out and do things, even though it wears me out in all aspects. So, most of the time I can overcome my introverted, antisocial side and force myself to get out more for the kids' (mainly my 3 year old's) sake, but lately the introvert monster has been winning.

             Maybe it's just the gloomy, rainy weather we've been having, but I have not been able to make myself do anything “fun” this week. Usually I look forward to getting out of the house, but not this week. I have just not felt like being around people in general.

             I've been meaning to go to a local babywearing group's playdate day for awhile and was so excited to go last week until I learned that they had changed the location due to primary voting day. This week, I had no desire to go even though I really probably should get some help with this mei tai I'm borrowing. That's a story for a different post, though. ;)

             I was also excited to go to the summer kick-off party for our playdate group this Saturday. But, I was already wanting someone to at least watch Myka one weekend soon so that hubby and I can actually spend some much needed alone time for our anniversary. (He is even more introverted than I am and we really do need the alone time!...Especially since a certain 3 year old is no longer taking naps. :/) But, since this is the only weekend for awhile that my mom will be able to watch her, I decided to drop her off for the weekend instead of going to the party since I'm already being antisocial Annie. I've not been this bad for awhile. So, I'm taking it as a sign that I truly need a break, so I don't feel quite as bad for skipping the playdate party festivities in return for Myka spending the weekend at Gigi and Papaw's.

             The one thing I have been making myself do is take Myka to the free story time and music and movement class in Bloomington. She really likes it and gets to interact with other kids AND run around and dance, so I've been making myself get over myself and go. She has no concept of time, really, and didn't even realize it when we missed a week because she was sick, but I would feel guilty if I didn't take her to at least that just because I don't like going. Why? Because I feel like “Billy No Friends”, as my British friend would say. I realize I could attempt to strike up conversations too, but no one ever talks to me and I usually end up feeding Ripley on the bench outside (at least it's an indoor mall) because 1) I'm weird about nursing in front of a bunch of people and 2) there's usually no room inside because everyone else crowds in and there's no room. No, no. That's ok. I don't want to watch my kid or anything. Sorry. I guess that's a whole other can of worms...

             So, what's an introverted parent to do? In my opinion, all the alone time and help you can get, the better! Try to make at least a little bit of time for JUST YOU each day, even if this means getting up extra early or staying up a little late. (I'm writing this at midnight and the solitude is making me feel much less stressed out, not going to lie!) A nice, hot shower all alone without kids interrupting is heavenly too. Pop in a movie and away you go! I've always enjoyed collecting my thoughts during this time, personally.

             A reliable babysitter is crucial, whether it be a family member or other trusted person. Trust is the key here, otherwise you'll just worry about your kids the whole time, and that kind of defeats the purpose of having a sitter and relaxing, right? Even after I stopped working at a regular job, I still very occasionally had a trusted sitter watch Myka when it was just her. Again, everyone needs alone time!

             MAKE YOURSELF DO THINGS FOR YOUR CHILDREN! If you don't, you'll probably regret it at some point. I am starting to dread Thursdays (aka dance class days) more and more each week, but I see how much Myka enjoys it, therefore I make myself go. Because as parents, it's not always (and usually not) about us: the kids come first and foremost. 

             Do you struggle with being a “mom hermit”? What do you do to try to get over it?

*Check out either of these websites if you would like to learn more about the Myers-Briggs personality test and/or find out what your personality type is! 

http://www.myersbriggs.org/my-mbti-personality-type/mbti-basics/
https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test

Fighting Your Inner Introvert for Your Kids' Sake

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             The world is full of all types of different people. Some of those people are introverts, some are not. I'm here to tell you that becoming a parent does not magically make you an extrovert, as nice as that would be some days. As some of you are probably already aware, it can be really challenging sometimes being an introverted parent, and I'm here to talk about my own struggles and what it's like.

             If you have no idea what I'm talking about, introverts are people who tend to like to reflect inwardly and spend more time alone than others to think. This doesn't mean we're antisocial, necessarily. We just need more alone time to recharge our batteries, so to speak. Extroverts thrive off of being around others, whereas being around large groups (or even small ones for long lengths of time) wears introverts out and can be mentally and physically exhausting.

             So, now that we're on the same page, what does any of this have to do with parenting? A lot, actually. Parenting can be exhausting enough for obvious reasons, but throw in an introverted personality and it can feel down right impossible some days. Don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to throw a pity party for us. I just feel like it's something that should be talked about more because I have a feeling that it's a big reason for “parent guilt” in some.

             Parent guilt is something that we, as parents, will all deal with at some point in our parenting careers and, if we don't, we're probably doing something wrong. Lol I think introverted parents deal with it more than others. Why? Because we just can't constantly pay attention to our kids and/or interact with them constantly. This is obviously true of most parents, especially those with multiple children, but I think you understand what I'm trying to say here. It is just too physically, mentally, and emotionally tiring, as much as we may want to.

             That's not to say we're bad parents. We try our best and I wouldn't say we're neglectful by any means...but if we can't find ways to recharge and have at least a little bit of down time for ourselves throughout the day, or even have someone else watch the kids occasionally, we burn out quickly. That's when we start getting cranky, tired, and withdrawn.

             Stay tuned for part two where I share about my own experience and feelings about being an introverted parent and ideas on what we can do to battle it for our kids' sake!