Weren't we cute when we were younger and skinnier? :)
With the imminent departure of Myka and I from Arkansas looming over my head since I finally decided on a date for the two of us to move on, I've been doing a lot of thinking. (If you're totally lost, see my previous two posts on our moving shenanigans HERE and HERE.) Thinking tends to get me in trouble...Well, maybe not in trouble, necessarily, but it seems to cloud my judgement, make me think into things TOO MUCH, worry/dread change, and second guess my judgement/decisions and wonder if what I decide on is really the best course of action. Whew! That was a mouthful! Do any of you ever have these intense moments?!
With that being said, I really have to hand it to you military wives. Honestly. I haven't even left my husband yet and I'm already dreading it and feeling like we're already separated because I've been thinking about it too much! It's like I was just telling John, it might sound silly or crazy, but until I set a date I was thinking, "Oh. It might be good for us to spend some time apart from each other and be nice to spend time with my family without having to worry about you (John) feeling awkward." However, once I set a specific date for us (Myka and I) to move everything changed.
There are so many crappy aspects about this move to think about, even though I know it is the best option for all of us in the long run. As far as "positives", it will be great for my mom and I to reconnect. (I'm hoping, at least, since we will be staying with her and my step-dad until we can afford our own place. ;) ) We used to be really close until I became a (somewhat) rebellious teenager. We've made some amends since then, but I still miss the old friendship we used to have.
As I've mentioned in my previous posts on our move, I am excited and scared about going back to work as well. I am super excited to be helping out financially again, not to mention that it will be nice to spend some time away from Myka. I know that sounds horrible, but I have had a babysitter watch her twice in the last year, if that tells you anything. Mommies need breaks too!
I can't help but still be worried about how she will react to suddenly being away from mom (after a whole year!) for several hours out of the day, several days in a row...Even if she is with family...Even though I feel MUCH better about leaving her with family that I know I can trust and that she will be in good hands. What parent likes worrying about their baby? (Even if he/she doesn't happen to be a "baby". ;) )
I'm also looking forward to reconnecting with old friends before John joins us, especially my bff Caitlin, Terry, and Lindy. Caitlin and I typically have the type of relationship that it doesn't matter how long we haven't actually spoken for, we can pick right up where we left off. Lindy and I were best friends WAY back in the day and kind of drifted apart for awhile. (Let's not go into the reasons behind that.) Fortunately, we have reconnected over the last few years and I couldn't be happier. I missed her company and worried about her.
As for Terry, well, we have kind of an interesting relationship that some people might find strange. She's old enough to be my mom (older by a few years than my own mom, in fact), so while we're still "friends" in the general sense, she has that "mom" factor to her too sometimes, whether she wants to admit it or not. (She doesn't have any kids of her own and isn't remorseful of it. That's why I say that like that.)
As weird as this might sound, I am also looking forward to being able to visit my grandma's grave as well. I feel like I'm missing out when my mom tells me that she is going out there with such and such aunt. The one time I did get to visit her grave by myself right after she had passed and before we went home to Arkansas, I felt really close to her, like she knew I was there. She was basically a second mom to me growing up and I miss her terribly. I just want to feel like I'm able to visit her somewhat physically again, even if I get the feeling she's watching over me and Myka sometimes. :)
Then, there are the "crappy factors". I can't think of a time that John and I have stayed apart from each other since we got together and lived with each other. In other words, I don't think we've been apart for over 5 years...Including the time I had Myka. He stayed in the hospital with me the entire time for that too, thank God. I know we will skype, but it's going to be very weird without him actually there.
This is another one of my favorite pictures of all time. :) Times were hard because I had just given birth via c-section to Myka less than a month before and John had just had his gallbladder removed less than 2 weeks previous as well, but still. :)
Like I told John also, I'm going to miss him, obviously, but I'm really worried about how Myka is going to handle it. She may only be 20 months old, but she is very much a daddy's girl and has been for quite some time. It's bad enough that I know my mom is worried about it too. Like I told her, though, I'm hoping that skyping with "daddy" and other family members "oohing" and "ahhing" over her will keep her distracted enough that she won't get into too much of a funk without daddy being around physically. :/
So, again, now that I've rambled for quite some time, I have to hand it to you military wives. I really don't know how you do it. Love, obviously, but still. I could never imagine having to be away from my husband for any length of time before, and now I am doing it voluntarily. :/